Author: Kris Roley

Monday, November 14th, 2022

• As we begin another week, I want to note what happened last week. While the craziness was going on, my wife was in the hospital, and it wasn’t a good thing for the first couple of days. Thankfully she turned a corner, and we returned home on Sat. So, she is fine, and WE are fine.

But, on the other hand, I am not OK, and I’m not anywhere near fine. I haven’t been fine for a long time, and I’m surprised that I even have the self-awareness to recognize it. What I can’t do, haven’t been able to do, is define the problem. I can tell you that not a lot matters to me right now. I’ve just become indifferent to just about everything. My default response lately is a shrug and some Meh. I don’t want to be around people, haven’t wanted to be around people for a while. I’m getting sick of social media, I’ve almost deleted all my accounts 3 or 4 times in as many months. I basically feel like disappearing, I feel like no one would care much if I did, and I might just be ok with that. To be clear, I’m not having thoughts of self-harm. Not talking about unaliving. I’m talking about checking out from the world and being alone.

I’m exhausted. I’ve had so much on my plate for so long it’s finally gotten to me. One of my ex-girlfriends from the Mesozoic Era that still keeps in contact with me every now and then tells me that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough. Doesn’t seem that way. A breakDOWN on the other hand, I’ll buy that. Of course, I probably can’t be having a breakdown if I’m thinking I’m having a breakdown. I don’t think that’s how it works. I’ve said on occasion that I think I need to see a therapist, the trick is finding the time to see a therapist. That’s funny. I know this, every tool I’ve learned to use since my moment of clarity in Sept 2005 isn’t working. I think I need help.

• I heard someone ask another person if knowledge and belief had a divorce inside them, and that has got to be the politest of burns. I must remember that one.

• Congress is back in session today to begin their ‘lame-duck’ session. I encourage you to watch the proceedings on C-SPAN and stop letting other people tell you about it. See it for yourself. As we get closer to the end of the Continuing Resolution to fund the Government on December 16th, start taking note of the things the parties say. They’re going to complain about being held up in DC when they could be home for the Holidays, just like they’ve said for every fucking year they kick the can down the road and put themselves in this position. This is the beginning of an education on how the playbook only changes colors every few years, but everything else is the same. Watch what happens in the House if the GOP take the House. The Dems will start using all the complaints and parliamentary tricks the GOP used. They also won’t actually solve anything definitively. Ever. This should make you mad.

• On a related note, the pleas for bipartisanship will last about a week until the President says or does something they can interpret as not really meaning it. Just like they do at the beginning of every Congress as long as I can remember. Really. This bullshit rarely changes, and that should outrage you. I promise you, if people actually watched Congress do it’s job, they would demand better Reps and Senators. Also, younger. Grassley is 89 years old. He voted with a feather and a fucking inkwell when he started. I’m begging y’all. Start paying attention to first degree sources, and stop giving the outrage machine, the angertainment, the infotainment…the NOOZ your time.

I’ll leave you with a photo Kimmers took of a minor victory. Oreo is very clearly Kim’s cat, but she’s starting to trust me. I think some guy abused her and abandoned her, and that’s why she lives here now. This was a pleasant surprise.

November 14, 2022
Sunday, November 13th, 2022

Hey, there’s a new Podcast in the feed today. Also, if you’re so inclined, there are four new bonus podcasts over at Patreon. Until the end of the year, those Patreon podcasts (and anything else I put up there) are available to everyone. Enjoy.

I’ve been playing around with Mastodon a little, and it just reminds me of the path we took to get to this point on the internet timeline. Most of us regular (old) folk started in a walled garden like CompuServe or AOL. Then we branched out with things like Netscape, ICQ, Usenet, and IRC. Things became more open. Social Networks swung the penduluum back in the other direction and made the data we gave them a commodity to be traded, and then someone figured out how to weaponize it. That’s why I find the Fediverse so intriguing. There are open alternatives to the social networks we use today. Is it ready for prime time? Not quite yet. The Mastodon server I selected was on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the surge of signups. I’d say take a look and play around with these alternatives. It can’t hurt. Not sure if this is the future, but it’s an option if you’re sick of the status quo.

Following the Senate races, I’m glad to see the side interested in preserving democracy held on. That said, I don’t trust Joe Manchin or Kyrsten Sinema any father than I could comfortably spit a rhinoceros. Here’s a scenario to consider: Let’s say that Georgia proves that it’s brain dead and elects Walker. That means the Senate remains 50/50 as it is today. If I’m Mitch McConnell, I’m offering the moon on a goddamn string for one or both of them to pull a James Jeffords, switch parties, and hand control of the Senate to the GOP. Manchin is the likely candidate to flip, but don’t take Sinema for granted. Those two will go to the place they can have the most power, and exert the most influence.

Let’s say that the Dems hold both houses and the Senate at 51/49 with Warnock winning the runoff. Then Biden realistically 12 months to put the fucking hammer down and pass his agenda, maybe 18 if you want to push it. You put so much pressure on Manchin/Sinema you make diamonds out of them., eject the filabuster, hit the warp speed button, and pass all the things. Codify Roe and Obergfell. Pass the College Loan Forgiveness Plan. Pass 35 dollar insulin for everyone. Expand healthcare to be on par with the rest of the world. Pass gun control laws, paid family leave, fund the bullet train we should have had years ago…every ding dang thing. I promise you once those things kick in and start to help us regular folks, that’s the thing that scares the GOP the most. They know they’ll be back in the minority for a generation at least.

Here’s something else that scares the GOP: the calendar. By 2028, Millenials and Gen Z will be the largest voting block out there. By 2035 or 2040, white folks will be in the minority. They know this, and every trick they play to supress the vote, gerrymander districts and the like are designed to keep Evangelical White Republicans at the top of the food chain. It’s literally an economic and political apartheid if they get their way. We can’t let that happen, and I think the young people are going to ensure that it doesn’t happen.

Remember to hug a pollster today, they’re very fragile right now. Thoughts and Prayers.

Assholes.

November 13, 2022
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022

• I might be nitpicky here, but I saw an ad for a product called the Bionic Spotlight last night. I don’t want a Bionic Spotlight. I don’t know who they’ve been. A roundabout way of saying that words mean things.

• From the Wayback Machine, ABC News from 11/8/1979. The show that would become Nightline was originally a daily recap of what was happening with the Iranian Hostages. So early on that Ted Koppel was a reporter, and Frank Reynolds anchored. Koppel was at his Alfred E. Neuman best.

• I have reached the point that the candidate who tells me that my mailbox is not going to be stuffed with election bullshit, and my phone isn’t going to blow up with text messages will get my fucking vote. I’m really more upset about the mail, trash that just takes up space.

• I may have mentioned this before, but I think I have figured out one of my main problems. The experts call this object permanence, which is a fancy way of saying if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. That’s why I’ve been so unsuccessful at keeping a journal of any substance. On the other side of the coin, having all that shit out on my desk looks cluttered, and my poor brain has to reconcile that. No wonder I’m fucked. I literally have a journal that I wrote “DON’T PUT ME AWAY” in Sharpie. WHY BRAIN DO THIS?

• Last night, something happened to my website, it caught a critical error. Anytime I’ve run across this in WordPress, where it happens suddenly after having been writing a draft earlier in the day, it’s a plugin. What I didn’t expect after deactivating the plugins in PHPMyAdmin and reactvating them one by one, it was Jetpack that was the error. It had updated during the day automatically and borked my site. I think what I need to do is control when these plugins activate and not let them auto-update. Hive mind, what say you? Yeah?

• Update about the Patreon podcasts: They’re public for now. I think I’ll keep them public until January 1st, and then flip the switch to put them behind the paywall. Everything will be that way until after Jan 1st, I think. …and there was much rejoicing…

November 2, 2022
Tuesday, November 1st, 2022

• Back in the deep, dark 1980s, there was a shop at Pembroke Mall called A Bit of England. This was the place you went to find chessboards and darts accessories, and most importantly, role-playing games stuff. It was in that store I found my two favorite games, Shadowrun and Paranoia. Pembroke Mall has gone through a cubic shitload of changes in the ensuing years, and Bit of England got the shit end of the stick. Eventually, they got evicted from the Mall because getting knocked down to build a senior living community. If you consider that the demographic that still goes to a Mall is my age, it was already a senior living community.

I ran some errands and found the store’s new location. I had to walk in. It was just how I remembered it. I ended up walking out with a set of RPG dice on impulse. I haven’t played in years. Call it a memento, I guess. I’ll put them on my ‘shelf of the ego’ and look at them now and then. Nice to walk in the past for a moment.

I’m not a person who chooses to walk in the past for very long. Like a lot of people, I didn’t have a particularly nice childhood. I have parts of the backstory that I love of course; I will talk your ears off about Guantanamo Bay in the early 80s. There was something special about that place, and I loved living there. But the common thread of my backstory is how often I was left to my own devices. I understand that’s common among my generation, but I don’t wear it like a badge of honor like some creators do on TikTok. I’m Gen X, and as we like to say, “Whatever.”

• I see the former guy appealed to SCOTUS in another attempt to keep the House from seeing his tax records. I don’t know why you’re even trying at this point. If trends are accurate, the House is going to flip Republican, and that’s it. That effectively means Trump is going to get away with a lot of stuff he should be going to jail for, because our justice system grinds ever so slowly for people in that rarified air. You and I would be well into our first year in Federal lockup. Of course, once the former guy announces he’s running for President again, all investigation is going to halt. He’s counting on that, and he’s counting on heading back to the WH so that he can’t be touched for another four years. We should have arrested him when you had the chance. We’re all kinds of fucked.

• A serious question: What is the objective reality that we agree exists? I’m afraid it got drowned in a bathtub somewhere. Not to delve too far into Ayn Rand, but one of the central tenets of Objectivism is that A is A, or a chair is a chair. I honestly believe that we have somehow split off into two groups, one that believes in an objective reality that can be observed, and one that believes what they are told is reality. Maybe it’s been this way for a long time, but this darkest timeline we’re living in has brought it into a sharper focus for me. I don’t know how else to explain it other than to say when presented with a demonstrable fact, there is a group of us here in [American] society that can deny its existence based on [insert bullshit here]. How do we resolve that? Can we resolve that?

• Finally, the first bonus pod dropped into the Patreon Feed today if you’re so inclined. First ep of the main show will be this weekend. LFG, as the youngs say.

November 1, 2022
Monday, October 31, 2022

• I have reached the point where I despise the word “woke”. I think it’s become co-opted in the same manner that “fake news” was.

Dictionary.com defines woke as:

Having or marked by an active awareness of systemic injustices and prejudices, especially those involving the treatment of ethnic, racial, or sexual minorities.

It seems that the only people using that term these days are using it disparagingly, and I guess I need to ask why. Are we not supposed to be aware of injustices and prejudices that exist? Am I not supposed to be aware of things that happened in the past? See, I think we’re using the wrong term. Those things aren’t “woke”, they’re *kind*. I choose to be kind, and instead of trying to defend against the term “woke”, I would rather ask those disparaging people why it’s wrong to be *kind*.

Of course, in a few of those cases, It’s the bare minimum to be a decent human, but that’s another story.

• Here’s a tool for your toolbox: Meet Evan Sernoffsky. He’s the goofball that originally reported that Paul Pelosi’s assailant was in just underwear. The stupid among us grabbed hold of that and won’t let go. Here’s Sernoffsky’s retraction, which the stupid seem to have missed. That’s funny. UPDATE: The AP reports that the suspect in the attack on Paul Pelosi told police that he wanted to break Nancy’s kneecaps and hold her hostage. Gaslight that, morons. BTW, here’s the DOJ complaint.

• I see that Taylor Swift has made history by having every song in the Top 10 of the Hot 100 charts. I seem to remember the Beatles having the Top 5 in 1964, and I distinctly remember thinking that no one could possibly top that. Madonna didn’t, MJ didn’t, Whitney didn’t, and BRITNEY didn’t. I thought the chance of that ever happening had gone away. I was wrong. I was also wrong about Taylor. My friends, she may not be my cup of tea, but she is legit.

• I’m the generation of kids that made yellow ribbons for the Iranian hostages. The Islamic Revolution of 1979 was the start of that whole thing, when they deposed the Shah and installed Khomeni as the leader of that country. To see this generation now pushing back against it is amazing to watch, but as you watch it, be mindful of one thing: They shoot without shame. In addition to Mahsa Amini’s death, remember Neda Agha-Soltan while you’re at it. She died in 2009 in the eleciton protests, you may remember her.

“…and these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds…”

• People shooting each other outside a liqour stor in Tallahassee? Shocked, I tells ya. DeDipshit wants to pass permitless carry in Florida. What could possibly go wrong?

• Just block *Elon. Just block anyone who screenshots Elon. Just block anyone who wants to argue about Elon. Sure, Twitter’s going to auger into the ground like a flaming fucking lawn dart, but I think it might be super fun to watch. I mean, it’s just day three and look where we are. I did sign up for Bluesky, so…

*Also applies to Trump if he’s reinstated.

October 31, 2022
ZPM Diary, October 30th, 2022

I don’t want you to get excited, but I’ve made two podcast episodes this week.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

Here’s the deal. The two podcast episodes I’ve made are on Patreon. The main feed will receive its next episode next Saturday or Sunday. But the plan, for now, is that I will be doing one show a week on the main feed and at least one show a week on Patreon. I expect to do more, but I’m only committing to one. Any other bonus content I put on there is sauce for the goose, as they say. Also, I’ve erased the two higher tiers; there’s just one 5 dollar tier. If I’m going to offer a Patreon and promote the fact that I have one, I need to be able to deliver on what I’m offering. The other thing I will commit to is to create episodes through the week before Christmas, take a break for the end of the year, and then return after Jan 1st and run through at least the endi of July 2023, and break for August. That’s the plan for now

The other thing I need to tell you is that there isn’t going to be a format for this podcast. I hope you’re coming for this show’s personality (or personalities) if you’re coming here. I just hate structure and format. it’s too binding for me. I can promise you’ll get Roley and all that comes with me.

Sunday mornings are for groceries; you might do something similar. I might need to change that because with the world supposedly returning to normal (it isn’t), more and more people show up earlier and earlier at the grocery store. I once expected that there wouldn’t be dozens of people in line and only one or two registers open. That ship has sailed. I might need to insist on delivery if I want to resolve this to my satisfaction, but the pushback I get from that is, ‘well, when would we leave the house?’ Two years ago I would have said something like “I don’t WANT to leave the house, that’s the death thing, and the death thing isn’t good.” Today, I haven’t a problem with leaving the house, I would just rather be for something other than groceries. Literally anything else.

You see, for some reason I can’t wrap my head around, it takes between two to three hours to get shopping done. I can either go pick it up and they load it in the back of the CX-5, or they deliver it. Either way, that is time I get back. I will happily give you all the money to get my time back. I’m that guy, and it’s not because I don’t want to go anywhere to do anything, it’s because I would like to do something else with my time.

Oil change issues: Seems I can’t find anyone who can break the oil plug on the CX 5, and now I know why. I got under the car myself and found that the plug comes off with an Allen wrench, and the fuckers at the place where I got it, and anywhere else I’ve taken the damn thing, they’ve been trying to get it off with the normal way. IT’S ROUND ON THE EDGES. It does look like someone has tried to take it off with an allen wrench at some point, and it looks like it could be stripped there as well. I did manage to get an Allen socket in there, but I lack the ass to break it. So I need a little leverage, like pretty much everything else.

Lesson: Don’t take your car to one of these jiffy 5 minute places. They don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

See you next week, check out the Patreon Podcasts if you’re so inclined, and next week we got a new main show for ya. See ya then.

October 30, 2022
ZPM Diary, October 23rd, 2022

The business has picked up here, as Good Ol’ JR might say, though not in the best ways. Topping the list is our cat Mariel, who gave us quite a scare. To be fair, she’s a senior cat now, so slowing down a bit is to be expected. We got very concerned when she stopped eating, became lethargic, and had no interest in anything. One trip to the vet later, they believe we’re dealing with kidney disease or failure. She’s on a special diet and on a med that gooses her appetite, and we’ll see at the check-up in a week or so. I can tell you that in the week we’ve been on the medication and the special food, she’s been eating. She’s also the cat we know and love again. I know that not eating can present kidney problems in cats if not treated, but I no longer believe the kidney disease was the source of the issue, but possibly an outgrowth from it. We have a new cat in the house, and I think Mariel was depressed and not eating, and that was the start of the whole shebang. Luckily, she’s eating again. She lost a lot of weight in this episode, so I’m hopeful we can get her back to an average, healthy weight.

I must confess I never understood why people would spend money hand over fist for a pet, especially if the quality of life of that pet wouldn’t get better. I think I have a frame of reference now. I’m not throwing in the towel on Mariel until I know there’s nothing to do but give her some peace. That cat adopted us, not the other way ’round. I’ll do whatever I can for her.

As it’s Sunday and I have a 24-hour lag on anything Doctor Who-related around here, I’ve been trying to avoid spoilers like the plague. Having said this, there’s one particular pathetic excuse for a human that has never liked Jodie Whitaker in the role because she’s a woman that’s been gloating all day. This waste of space is everything wrong with fandom: The belief that this story and this character were made just for you, or people like you. It’s not. Gatekeep deez nuts.

I hope you choke on your bile the day Ncuti shows up. It’s almost like RTD saw you and said “Hold my beer, you bearded taint.”

Podcast/Content update for ya. Looking at starting things back up after the beginning of November. The Main Show will be once a week, and there will be two shows a week for Patreon. That’s how we’re going to start. I’m looking at some other content to put up, but that’s going to be down the road a piece. I need to establish the Main and Bonus shows. Stay Tuned for other stuff.

I need some idea of what to do next for a video or a photo shoot. I’m tapped for ideas at the moment. Seeking inspiration, I guess. Part of being in a low key depression for a long time is a dry and somewhat foggy brain. The gym helps, d’ya think it’s time to go back? Not gonna lie, the macaroni still has me somewhat stressed.

That’s all for now, see ya next week with more.

October 23, 2022
Return To Zero

Here’s an odd little factoid about my family: my Dad was bald in his early thirties, and so was my brother. Most of the men on my Mother’s side were balding very early on. So, here’s another way I’m a freak of nature, I’ve managed to keep most of my hair up to my early fifties. Recently, it’s decided to let me know it might be time to stop fighting the tide. So I had a conversation with a clipper today.

I did this about ten years ago a little prematurely for a different reason; I just didn’t want to fuck with it. I was also in a weird repentant monk phase of my existence for some reason I can’t remember at the moment. However, it’s true that I feel like I’m about to go through another change; trouble is, I’m not sure where it will take me yet. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but I can tell you that I’ve been a bunch of different people in my life: some good, some not so much. But I know this: every one of those changes was for a reason.

Time to embrace a new lesson, I suppose. My sixhead and I thank you for your patience.

October 22, 2022
ZPM Diary, October 9th, 2011

If you remember one thing about me, I’ve spent most of my adult life fighting my temper. I tell people now that I have managed to grow a long fuse, but once that fuse is gone, things happen very quickly after that. The good news is that I’ve gone from having bad days to good years and bad days, few and far between.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I don’t get mad at people these days. Hell, I don’t even get mad at things that happen that much anymore unless you prick at my sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. What grinds my gears these days is those times when I am unable to accomplish a task I’ve set for myself. I’m competitive, but my opponent isn’t anyone outside my head. It has been and will always be me I’m head to head with.

So this weekend, when a series of things happened that prevented me from finishing items on my TDL, one after another, It started as an annoyance. After moving on to three separate tasks within a couple of hours and finding that I could make no progress on any of them for reasons outside my control, I had to go and be somewhere by myself for a while because I am not good at people-ing when I get in that mood. Silver lining: It’s good to have that self-awareness. I didn’t have that when I was younger, and some nights when the wind hits just right I can still smell the burnt bridges.

I will say this: There was no better cure for my condition than learning to be comfortable in my own skin, or put more colorfully, it got better when I learned how many licks it took to get the center of an I Don’t Give A Fuck.

The week ahead: I have more photos to post here, and I’ll get the assets together for the new podcast. Let this be a lesson: If you’re not sure what you’re deleting, don’t delete it. I wish I could tell you that was the first time I’ve done that. Plenty of other people will tell you it’s not the first time. It’s all good, though. It’s still going to be on the same feed, and you can see all the prior shows on the podcast link over on the sidebar.

I’m debating removing all the posts on the Patreon Page right now and starting from scratch. Everything I’ve done there up to this point has been scattershot and has no reason or rhyme. Ostensibly, you’re coming for the voice and the attitude. If that’s the case, you’re not getting it over there right now. Besides, the photos and the other stuff belong here at my place. Otherwise, I’ve got no reason to tell you to come here.

That’s it for now, see you next week if not sooner.

October 9, 2022
ZPM Diary, October 2nd 2022

This is Oreo. I am not sure of Oreo’s origin, but I know that she absolutely adores the wife. Up until a few days ago, she lived in the space between my fence and the neighbors. I do believe that she belongs (or belonged) to someone, because she successfully used a litter box. I don’t think feral cats do that as a general rule, so Oreo’s been potty trained. With Hurricane Ian bringing tropical force winds and cubic assload of rain to Virginia Beach, Kimmers asked if she could bring Oreo indoors. By asking, I mean that it was made clear that Oreo is coming in the house AND YOU DON’T MIND, DO YOU.

DO. YOU.

Of course not. I was worried about the existing Queen of the house being territorial, but we’re now on day three and they seem to tolerate each other. They’re sleeping on the same bed as I type this. So, it would appear that Kim has been chosen by another cat. A very affectionate, very talkative cat. Reminds me of my Siamese cat Darth in that regard. You could carry full conversations with Darth, Oreo is not far off.

My guilty pleasure these days are HGTV or MotorTrend restoration shows. I find them a little different from the normal “Reality TV” fare, because there’s a tangible result at the end. They’re accomplishing something. Shows like Chrisley, to pick one out of the air, are manufactured drama, conflict, and resolution. In a word, bullshit. However, left to my own devices, I’ll just zone out and watch back to back restoration shows. It’s not exactly healthy, but let’s face a little fact: I’ve worked at the day job for a year straight with no time off until last week, and one week off wasn’t near enough to cure what ails me. The burnout is real. So, maybe self care is a endless train of Flip or Flop and Wheeler Dealers.

Don’t hate.

We’re now in the middle of the changing of the weather guard here. Kim likes fall, she just likes the changing of seasons. I spent the years between 5 and 12 in Hawaii, Virginia Beach and Gitmo. Yeah, I’m FROM Maine, but there’s a reason I say I’m FROM Maine. I DO NOT LIVE THERE NOW. I hate being cold for a number of reasons, but mainly because I’ve really never spent more than a couple of weeks at a time in Maine, mainly during Summer vacations, the exception being the Winter of 1982-1983. That was more than enough for me to vow I’d never go back there in the Winter. Hell, even October is too much. When we took my grandmother home after she passed, October 30, 2003. That morning it was 20 degrees. I’d rather not, thank you very hard.

This week I ported all the posts from the old Squarespace site over here to the new WordPress site. There’s more photos I’ll add that never appeared anywhere, and the poddlement will be returning shortly. ALSO: I finally figure out what the hell to do with the Patreon. I’ve paused it for the time being, and when I bring it back, there will be only one five dollar tier. You’ll get audio that I make just for the Patrons that will be a daily nugget with what I think is important that day, my stupid ass take on it, and when it fits, and stories about why you should absolutely use me as a bad example. The trouble has always been that my ambition is way larger than my ability to match that level of ambition. What I need to do is produce what I can realistically give you consistently. So, I’m gonna give that a try. I anticipate that we’ll start November 1st, but we’ll see. It’s possible I’ll wait until January 1st so that I’m not starting and then breaking for Thanksgiving and Chhristmas. Let’s leave the frequent absences from work to Congress.

I need to check on the feline armistice, so that’s all for now.

October 2, 2022