Chicago Archives

Monday, June 15th 2024

Blog

Recently I thought I’d try writing things—jokes, mainly-as they came to me. I liked it, but it just doesn’t fit with my mindset of what I (think I) want this site to be. I am forever a work in progress. There was a time where I was convinced that being forever a work in progress was a bad thing. I think there were people around me that were frustrated that I couldn’t be set in one thing, but that’s just not me. I’m going to be 54 next week, and my GAF was all but destroyed years ago.

It’s not me, it’s you.

Apparently my former employer is still ‘restructuring’. I saw that some remarkable human beings I had the pleasure of working with were told that his services are no longer required. I’m sure it’s nothing more than cutting the higher paid people in order to have someone else do the same job (or twice the work!) for less money. Still, the thing that’s really bothering me about this round is that it involved call center associates. They said over and over when I dodged the first two rounds of layoffs was that they weren’t going to touch the call center floor. I guess that’s been forgotten. It was only a matter of time. The company makes cameras and printers, neither of which are widely used by consumers anymore, and they were way behind the curve on things the rest of the camera world had embraced years earlier.

I know it’s not supposed to be personal, but when you invest a great amount of yourself and your time it’s hard to not take it personally. In my case, I’ve always felt it WAS personal. It really destroyed me for a long time to the point that I couldn’t do anything creative at all. I hope my friend can bounce back better than I did. I also hope he can make an honest go with his photography business. I’d like to direct you to his photography website, but it appears to be down. So I’ll direct you to his Facebook Page. Please have a look and if he brings back his shop site, please consider buying something from him, and by all means spread the word.

We’d like you to decide, even though you’ve already decided.

I honestly don’t know how this isn’t the simplest of decisions. I don’t care who the Democratic nominee is, I’m voting for that person because I am not interested in opening the Seventh Seal of the Apocalypse. Is Biden older than dirt? Of course he is. Do I care? Maybe, but that’s what the 25th Amendment is for. I’m waiting for the first Republican to say a damn thing about the 25th Amendment, but if I was a betting man, I’d bet they will stay quiet about handing the Presidency to Kamala. Funny thing, that. I bet they do return to the birtherism real quick, tho.

That said, Biden hasn’t helped his cause. The stuttering is baked in, as far as I’m concerned. What isn’t baked in is the switching up of names, the rambling and gibberish with no real direction, and the long—LONG—pauses. Yes, Trump does it too. Breaking News: They’re both old as fuck. However, that’s the ballot. Unless there’s a real, successful draft at the DNC in Chicago (the irony!), Biden is the nominee. No draft movement has ever been successful.

He’s Just This Guy, You Know?

Trump is the immediate existential danger, but if I’m being honest it’s not Trump himself I’m worried about. What worries me is the Zaphod effect.

In the classic-oh-my-god-this-is-required-reading novel The Hitchikers’ Guide to the Galaxy, the President of the Galaxy is Zaphod Beeblebrox. He brings nothing to the table. He’s a party animal and an idiot. But his antics distract the people so they’re not paying attention to the folks really doing the work. That’s Trump.

Trump is going to Trump. We know this. They know this as well, and they’re counting on it.

Yeah, but when is the Two Minutes of Hate?

The RNC convention started today, and maybe I’m just old. I remember conventions being run differently. Not covered differently (although I can make that argument as well), but it seems more like a marriage of informercial and cult worship than it used to be. I’m watching C-SPAN for neutral coverage (because I am that nerd), and some minor amusements.

*First, I see Marsha Blackburn, the protokaren from Tennessee, found the time to brush that rats nest she calls a hairdo.
Second, it’s funny to hear the band playing Where The Streets Have No Name, but dare not speak a word of it.
They’re doing the nomination election at 3pm on the first day. Why the first day, and why not in Primetime? Also, it has been my experience that at some point, someone makes a motion to wrap up the nomination by acclamation. Not so in this case. Ego much?
Junior’s a twat. Also, Junior’s a twat.
Youngkin is slightly less of a twat than Junior, but the twatfulness is still strong.
They are really calling The Orange Mush ‘the bravest man in America.’
All the folks who read their speeches from a phone or a sheet of paper and STILL mangled their way through their state delegate votes totals need to have a fucking seat when it comes to Biden’s stutter or prompter use.
You can always count on old white dudes (including me) to have the worst rhythm in the known universe. Awkward knows no party.
In what must be the first documented Karen moment of the convention, Senior Karen was upset that Middle-aged Chad wanted her to stop waving her Trump placard long enough for him to get a picture of…something. Probably the house band, Slightly Spicy Mayo (I don’t know, why not?), to document their playing ‘I Want You To Want Me’ for 15 minutes.

It’s only 4pm. This should be fun…

Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

Blog

I’ve lived here in Virginia Beach for decades. It’s as much my home as anywhere else I’ve lived. I love this place, but there are some uncomfortable truths about living here that some of you in other places may not know, or you might be aware of one or two things. First, this town is Red. Very Red. You can’t be AOC and run for office here. Elaine Luria voted for Scott Taylor in the election before she ran against him. Also, they tend to get their way a lot. We had a referendum about whether or not to extend a light rail system from Norfolk into Virginia Beach. That referendum passed. Until the City Treasurer decided he wanted a do over because he didn’t get his way. The second referendum failed, and now there’s no light rail in Virginia Beach. Second, If you’re not a fan of the military, this is not the place you want to live. I would argue that we have the highest concentration of military personnel here than anywhere in the world. Politics is going to cater to the military here in one form or another. Third, because of the number of military folks here, folks from the Government like to come here to use our fair city as a backdrop. I’m pretty sure that every President since Bill Clinton has come here for something, and I’d bet that Reagan and Daddy Bush has been here as well when they were in office. Every one of them would have traveled by motorcade from the plane to wherever they were going, and each time they have had to close down at least one of the major arteries here. But you would think from reading Virginia Beach as a trending topic on Twitter yesterday that this has never happened before, and I’m here to tell you that memories are conveniently short. At the very least, they’re color coded.
- One Twitter troll who identified as MAGA on his bio responded to my take on this by saying “He’s not a president”. I’d like to be clear on this: I did not like Donald Trump. Didn’t care for Hillary either, but I held my nose and voted for her because I did not feel like opening the Seventh Seal of the Apocalypse. As much as I hate the fact that Trump won, here’s the deal: He won. As did Obama, W, Clinton, HW, Reagan, and so on. Trump was elected President. Anyone with a shred of fairness and logic about them has to acknowledge that. See, there’s an objective reality and then there’s the cultish delusion that the MAGA folk have fever-dreamed their way into, and you can wish really hard that it isn’t so, but Biden won the election, just like every other President that’s been elected. Just because you don’t like the guy doesn’t mean shit. Flip it around and tell me what the MAGA folk would say if I said “Trump isn’t MY President!” They’d say something along the lines of “Facts don’t care about your feelings, soy boy.” I promise you, the sentiment is mutual. I just happen to acknowledge reality, snowflake. There are two years left on the clock, minimum. If you want to get rid of Biden, the answer is simple: Run someone better. I don’t think that will be Trump, though. I suspect he will be otherwise engaged or barred from running.
- Finally, all the clearly Republican folks on Twitter bitching about the traffic today…if only there was alternate transportation, like, say, light rail…
Someone on my team made a bot to perform a function, and decided to name it Hubert. Amazingly, I found a GIF in Teams of Hubert Humphrey. I was shocked. I mentioned that I’ve had Humphrey on the brain lately because I’ve been watching the CBS coverage of the 1968 DNC from Chicago. My boss implored me to get a life or two. I hadn’t thought of an interest like that as being all that indicative of needing to get a life, but I suppose it isn’t a common interest? I like watching news coverage of historical events. I’m trying to curate a few playlists on my YouTube Page of those things, so jump over there and check it out as I grow it.
Another thing to file under Memories are short: MTG got the vapors when someone decided to get all up in her grill at a restaraunt: “I was attacked in a restaurant tonight by an insane women and screamed at by her adult son. They had no respect for the restaurant or the staff or the other people dining or people like me who simply have different political views. They are self righteous, insane, and completely out of control. I was sitting at my table, working with my staff, and never even noticed these people until they turned into demons. People used to respect others even if they had different views. But not anymore. Our country is gone.” This woman has harassed David Hogg, AOC, and at the very least hung up a transphobic sign on her door directly across from a Rep with a Transgender child. You’ve shown who you are, and you’d think when someone gives you a little of that same medicine, a person capable of self-reflection might pause and reconsider some things. I’m guessing you’re not that person, Marjorie. It’s ok. I used to be the same way, and it’s easy to let that all-ego no heart or brains trick you into thinking that you did nothing wrong and that you’re being picked on. You’re not being picked on. You’re getting exactly what you deserve. One thing I learned the hard way is that if you don’t take the time to reflect and change your heart and mind, is that when karma comes along and does that for you it’s not a pleasant experience. Not at all.
Semi-serious question for the White House Press Office: What is stopping you from yanking FOX News’ credentials? After yesterday’s revelations, they clearly don’t deserve them. Seriously, square up and yank those passes, be ready with the receipts, and don’t cave in. Not the same level, but when Gizmodo ‘found’ the iPhone 4 at a bar and leaked it, Steve Jobs barred them from Apple Events for years. I always used to tell people on Beach Mac that you could go to all the other tech sites to get the news, or you could go to Gizmodo to get what someone else told them about the news. Let Fox be the new Gizmodo. Let ’em be in exile for the rest of the time Biden’s in office, or Harris for that matter if she comes after. Sure enough a Republican will restore their access. But let them cry about how long that will be. I think that would be perfect.
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